


You're my Clarity

by MaddieLys



Series: Anybody capable of love is capable of being saved. [3]
Category: The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:33:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23177752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaddieLys/pseuds/MaddieLys
Summary: Hyde Park was massive, and yet find Jocelyn was easy; too much easy, for her taste.“It looks like a trap.” Jonathan commented, tight-lipped.Clary caressed his forearm, and walked ahead of him. “Mum.”Jocelyn nodded. She was dressed for a battle, and her left arm showed an invisibility rune.Clary stretched her lips and took from her jacket the stylus that Jonathan had given her for Christmas. Worst then fight with her mother was that Mundanes saw her scream to an empty bench.“Very well. Now we can talk freely.” Jocelyn said, when the rune glowed on their hands. She crossed her legs. “Convince me.”
Relationships: Clary Fray/Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern | Sebastian Verlac
Series: Anybody capable of love is capable of being saved. [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/486611
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	You're my Clarity

_If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?  
If our love’s insanity, why are you my clarity?_

~ Zedd, _Clarity_

Paris was beautiful. The Seine River glittered like the Milky Way and smiled to those who admired it from the Eiffel Tower. Notre-Dame’s profile attracted the eye with its long nave wrapped in lights.

Leaning against the parapet of the tower, Clary narrowed her eyes. Sounds and colors tickled her senses, but they couldn’t make her forget the presence of the blond boy at her side. His heat, so close, seemed to wait more than burn her skin. There was a kind of poetic justice in being there, she told herself. It all began not far from where they were at that time and the channel smell was almost the same as a month earlier, in Amatis’ home. It was like a circle closing. She smiled.

“What are you thinking about?” Jonathan’s voice shook her and his warm arms locked her in a hug that for too long made her tremble in the depths.

“All and nothing.” she answered. Her stomach crumpled and twisted. She had kept him on the rope until then, but she was the first to not tolerate it anymore. They went _there_ so much times that she couldn’t explain how they could resist.

The lad’s lips printed a kiss on her neck and smiled. “Me?” His tone was sweet, charming, _alive_.

Clary sat with her back to his chest and stroked the back of his hands. “Also, yes.”

Jonathan squeezed her hand back and breathed in her scent. He kissed her cheek, the jaw and the skin below the ear. “And what else?”

_How to say goodbye._ She bit her lower lip up to snatch dry skin from it. “I was thinking about the time we spent together.” She swallowed. “I disappeared suddenly and my family will be surely worried about me.” She turned and put her hands on his shoulders. “I have to come back.”

Jonathan’s hands pull her against his chest and explored her back, despite all the fabric layers that divided them from the bare skin. “They know where you are.” he said. “I made them.”

_You made Jace, you mean._ She stared at him. She could understand why and that blood on his body, three weeks ago, had a new meaning, now. She couldn’t hate him for that, but her mother – _their_ mother, actually – wouldn’t have thought the same. She hoped that she didn’t consider her weak enough to be brainwashed. “Why you didn’t tell me?”

Jonathan smiled. “It didn’t seem important to me and you’ve never talked about it.”

Clary bit her lips. “I was pretty busy to convince you to convince you not to destroy the world..” She kissed him softly. “And I would like to believe to be successful.”

Jonathan caressed her face. “You are,” he assured her. “But I’ll not come to Alicante with you.”

Clary’s heart skipped more than a beat and ran. Her mouth dried.

“Come back would mean give you up and I cannot accept it.” He stepped back. “So, that’s your call.” He licked his lips. “You can go back to Alicante and forget, or come with me.”

Clary wrung her hands. “You mean... never see them again?”

Jonathan touched her shoulders and shook his head. “They will be welcome anywhere you want, but only if they’ll not try to get you away from me.”

A slight smile lit her lips girl. She hugged and kissed him as she had never done even with Jace. “They won’t,” she promised. “It would be pointless.” She curled a platinum blonde lock around her finger and licked his lips.

He dragged her into umpteenth kiss and slipped under her coat. “Good.” he whispered. “With the money, we have aside we can do whatever we want. Anything.”

Clary murmured. “Okay, so this is my proposal.” She took a deep breath. “Let’s go somewhere, wherever you like, and we live a couple of years like mundanes. If you happen to be bored, we can always hunt for demons.”

His black eyes nailed her. “I really doubt that I could be bored, with you at my side.” he whispered and caressed her bare, hot skin.

Clary flinched, but she didn’t pull away. She nodded and leaned on his chest. “We should go down.” she said, flushed.

Jonathan kissed her and he trove to let her go to call the elevator.

*

Pont d’Iéna bisected the Seine without mirroring in it.

Clary, Clary, enveloped in Jonathan’s arm, studied the lights that were fighting on the black surface of the water. _Why it’s so hard to say it?_ She shouldn’t hesitate. The timing was perfect and perhaps he expected it too. She had wasted an opportunity and who knows when she would have had another. She swallowed a sigh. She could not tell him so, randomly. She squeezed back and peered toward his profile. Maybe she could take up the subject and prove not to be a total disaster. _Or maybe not._

A fire message destroyed her hopes. Whatever there was written was enough to darken Jonathan.

His lips stretched, his eyebrows twitched and the fingers on his hips drummed on for a minute or two, before the boy decides to speak. “It’s from Amatis.” he said. “He handed the Cup and my conditions to the Clave, but they’ll accept only if we can convince Jocelyn.” He laughed bitterly. “It would be easier take Idris alone and unarmed.”

Clary took his hands. “We can do it.”

Jonathan shook his head. “She hates me.” He broke free from his sister’s brittle fingers and quickened his pace to leave her behind. He puts his hands in his pocket and withdrew his neck in the jacket. His shoulders sagged and the weight of his seventeen years seemed fall down on him.

_He’s just a boy. How can they hate him so much?_ She pursued him, but the ringing of the phone stopped her. She used it so little, that she had almost forgotten about it. “Hello?”

“Clary? Clary, it’s me.”

Attracted by the noise, Jonathan turned back toward her. He retraced his steps, but remained at a safe distance that she did not appreciate at all.

The she beckoned with one hand. “Mom?” she forced herself to say. “Where are you calling from?”

“Yes, Clary, it’s me.” Jocelyn sighed. “Have... have you... have you got the message?”

Clary tensed and looked Jonathan’s hand. She relaxed only when their fingers laced and she was able to hang on to his hot grip. “Yes,” she answered “we did.”

“And what you decided to do?”

Clary looked to Jonathan. ‘Trust me.’ She spelled.

“Clary?”

Jonathan nodded.

“We’ll see you.” She sighed. “Just tell us where.”

“You could stand before the Clave, instead of send Amatis.” Jocelyn blurted. Her voice trembled on the woman’s name and became acute. She cleared her throat. “Hyde Park, in an hour.” She shouted down the call before Clary could even think of an answer.

The girl could only communicate the ultimatum to her brother. “I can open a portal everywhere, but I’d rather do it at home.”

Jonathan nodded. “Okay.” He hugged her and kissed her. It was enough to melt his muscle tension before he had a cramp.

Redded in her cheecks, Clay smiled. “We shouldn’t tell her about this.” she whispered on his lips and kissed him again, until they were breathless.

“I didn’t mean to, indeed.”

*

Hyde Park was massive, and yet find Jocelyn was easy; _too much_ easy, for her taste.

“It looks like a trap.” Jonathan commented, tight-lipped.

Clary caressed his forearm, and walked ahead of him. “Mum.”

Jocelyn nodded. She was dressed for a battle, and her left arm showed an invisibility rune.

Clary stretched her lips and took from her jacket the stylus that Jonathan had given her for Christmas. Worst then fight with her mother was that Mundanes saw her scream to an empty bench.

“Very well. Now we can talk freely.” Jocelyn said, when the rune glowed on their hands. She crossed her legs. “Convince me.”

The two Morgensterns exchanged a look, and Clary nodded.

Jonathan took a deep breath and intertwined his fingers with her’s. “Whatever I could say or do wouldn’t be enough to convince you, _Jocelyn_.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I gave you the Infernal Cup. I’ve explained to you how to free the Endarkened from its effect. I promised to leave you alone.” he listed. The tone was calm, but for Clary’s eyes the rigid posture betrayed the effort. “And yet, it is not enough.” The free hand clenched into a fist. “What do you want me to do? Do I have surrender?” He smiled as Clary hadn’t seen him for a month, with anger and disgust. “No, thanks. After seventeen years in a cage, I would say it’s time to be free, don’t you think?”

Clary squeezed his hand. _Calm_ , she thought. _Stay calm. I am here with you._ She should have invented a rune for telepathy. It would be her first permanent rune.

“Valentine hasn’t kept you segregated and certainly wasn’t your evil twin, the one who attacked Los Angeles, London, Taipei… or the Praetor.” Jocelyn challenged him. Her green eyes had the same fire as Clary a few months ago, and her neck raised like that exposed her throat so well to make the joy of any vampire.

Jonathan gritted his teeth. “Lock me up at home, away from every other human being except him, and wash my brain... how do you call it? Deny me the company of other children, or any gesture of affection, or Christmas... how it seems?” He tightened his eyelids. “You know how he was. You kow what he did to Jace. And you don’t want to admit it, or you should accept that it’s your fault.” he screamed. His body was a bundle of steel cables and the demonic blood that flowed through his veins fueled the violent instinct.

Clary saw his veins swell, and she knew that, if she let him continue, they would both regret it. She left his hand to stroke his shoulders, and she counted his beats through his shoulder blades.

Jonathan calmed down and smiled. He would kiss her, if just Jocelyn wasn’t there. “Thank you.” he whispered and hugged her. He grinned to his mother. “You should thank Raziel who gave you Clary. She was the only one brave enough for listen what I had to say.”

Jocelyn tighten her fists. “You mean how much you like kill and destroy other people’s life?”

“I did the best I could with what I had. He pushed me to suffocate my humanity. For seventeen years no one cared for what I wanted. Don’t you find _strange_ that I accepted a _demon_ as my mother? Maybe because _you weren’t where you should_?” Jonathan turned his eyes away. “You know what? You can say whatever you want to the Clave. I don’t care. I’ll live _my_ life away from you, and from them. And if you’ll try to stop me, I’ll defend myself.” He put his hand on Clary’s back. “Let’s go, sister. We’re done.”

Clary nodded. She glared to her mother, but she didn’t feel guilty at all.

“I won’t let you.” Jace came out with the angelic blade in his hand. “Go to Hell, if you want it, but don’t you dare to drag Clary with you.

Jonathan let Clary go and turned to him. “It was strange you didn’t show your pathetic face, brother.” He stepped forward to hide his sister. “Clarissa chose her side and I won’t let you take her from me.”

Jace growled. “You brain-washed her, then? What you used? A rune, or a potion?”

“Te truth, maybe?” Clary said and came forward to shield Jonathan. I won’t let you two to hurt him.” She opened her arms and raised her chin. “Mom, you always tried to keep me away from the Downworld. Now that I want to stay away from it, you should be happy.”

Jocelyn folded her hands until she needed her knuckles.

“Jace, you had the Lightwoods. If Valentine didn’t left you to them, you would have become like Sebastian.”

Jace frowned. “I wouldn’t.” His blade gleamed, but it still didn’t shine with holy fire.

“You sure?”

None of them dared to answer.

“Now Jonathan deserve his second chance. And I want to help him. It’s my choice. If this means staying with him for the rest of my life, I will.”

“And us?” Jocelyn asked. “Your family, your friends?”

Clary sighed. “You will always be welcome, if you won’t try to change my mind.” Of course she would have missed them and she was sure they won’t let her push them out of her life.

Jocelyn bite her lips. “I’ll grant you two years. If in that time as mundane you can build something, we’ll leave you alone; otherwise, the Clave will decide your fate.”

Clary smiled. She refrained from embracing Jocelyn just because Jace was in the middle.

Jonathan held his sister’s hands and grimaced.

“Thanks, mom. We will make good use of it.” Clary promised. She had to force herself to not kiss Jonathan. She took him under her arm and headed for the exit.

*

The door closed behind their backs. The warmth of the home they shared for a month surrounded them, and the awareness that it really was _theirs_ rushed up Clary’s spine.

Jonathan held her close, kissed her and pushed her against the wall. He almost tore her jacket off her, looking for her cold, naked skin. “Clary,” he whispered on her lips.

She sighed. “Jonathan.” She arched backwards and groped for the buttons of his shirt, regardless of the sweater that hampered her. Halfway through the attempt, she stopped to sink her fingers into his hair and found herself lifted off the ground. “Mh… maybe we should have been a little more patient.”

Jonathan kissed her neck. “We’ve been, more than enough.” He laid her on the sofa and kissed her again. If he hadn’t made love to her immediately, he’d have exploded. “You’re not holding back, are you?” he whispered. His forehead was wrinkled, his hair untidy and his pupils dilated.

Clary, already red in the face, stroked his cheeks. “Not at all.” She smiled. “I love you.” Her stomach filled with butterflies, twisted and told her that two years would never be enough. She’d have made sure that the Clave had nothing to hold on to divide them. She kissed him, hugged him with her legs and closed her eyes. She had made her choice and would never go back.

Jonathan smiled on her lips. “I love you too.” He’d always been straightforward on this, but perhaps before that moment he hadn’t really understood what it meant. He kissed her neck and lifted her shirt, but Clary’s hands held him.

“Maybe it would be better to get to the bedroom at least.” She had goosebumps, but continued to hold him close.

Jonathan nodded and picked her up. He carried her to the bed and had to refrain from kissing her to see where he was going. “Better now?”

Clary smiled. “I don’t risk falling, so yes.” She kissed him and helped to remove the fabric that hindered them. She felt his call, but it was no longer accompanied by the sensation of falling and drowning in the abyss.

Jonathan returned the kiss and wrapped her in his arms. He was delicate. How he managed to make her forget every doubt was a mystery, but every touch was always the right one to turn her senses on and her mind off.

Clary released herself willingly. There was something different, compared to the other times he had tempted her, but she’d not have been able to say what. Maybe it was the absence of tension in the muscles, or the silence that united them. She didn’t know and decided she didn’t care. She took him in and everything became clear. “You’re mine, and I’m yours.”

Jonathan smiled at her. “You are my clarity.” He kissed her. “And I’ll be yours.” That was peace, he thought, _true_ peace. She was everything he needed. Her, not power. Just her and her warmth.


End file.
